


Skyscraper

by LoveStoryFanatic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Baggage, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Lies, M/M, Music, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-21 11:49:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1549487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveStoryFanatic/pseuds/LoveStoryFanatic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's life took a turn for the worst. His coping skills start to worry those around him. What happens when Sam starts pushing a little too hard? How will Dean react to being pushed completely over the edge? How will his family cope with Dean's decisions?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Suicidal Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> So...I was listening to a song earlier today and this idea just popped into my head. If you can guess the name of the song, a plus to you! Not that it would take much detective skills. Anywho, I'll get on to the story. I already have the outline laid out and know exactly what will be happening. I already have most of the next chapter done. I apologize for the shortness and I promise there will not be a chapter under 2k words because that's just not how I operate. I refuse to post anything under that limit. I strive for at least 4, but sometimes that just doesn't happen. Hope you like the story!

Chapter 1

His fingers slid along the keys, punctuating the air with every note. He wasn't aware he had an audience. He was too wrapped up in the harmonies and melodies to pay attention to anything else. He gave everything he had into his songs, even if he didn't have anything left of himself to give.

He didn't have any of the lyrics done yet. He wasn't exactly sure what there was for him to say. All he had was one verse to go on. One verse to carry him through to the end. That was the million dollar question. Where did it end? When did it end? He knew he was being overly dramatic as they kept telling him, but his heart had been ripped from his chest and pummeled repeatedly. He figured he was due a bit of drama. Such as: what was the point to all of this anymore? Was his life worth living now that she was gone? Would his life end when he found the words to complete the song? Could he survive that long?

She had been everything to him. They had met so many years ago, falling in love almost instantly. He'd never believed in love at first sight until he'd met her. He didn't anymore. It had all been a lie. Had she ever really loved him or had it all been a lie from the beginning? He couldn't look at himself in the mirror anymore for fear of seeing a completely different person than the one he'd known all his life.

He knew he should sing a few sad songs, down a couple of bottles of whiskey, get laid, and then get over it. Move on to the next person. But how do you really do that? How do you just move past such a betrayal? How do you trust anyone ever again, let alone yourself.

These were questions he asked himself every day, every hour, every time he didn't have something to focus on. He asked himself what his life meant. He asked himself what his life was worth. The past seven years of his life had been a lie, in more ways than one. He'd lost so many people in his life at once that his heart constantly felt like it would give out on him, leaving him sprawling on the floor lifeless for someone to find.

"Dean, man, you gotta stop moping around here and do something with yourself. Jo tells me you hardly leave the house still. I know she's fully capable of taking care of the shop, but…you gotta do something with yourself."

Dean's fingers stilled. His eyes closing, squeezing shut. He heard the same rant every day for the past week. The first two weeks, they let him do his thing, hoping he'd come around on his own. When that hadn't been the case, the family had tried to do an intervention, but that hadn't worked too well. Dean had thrown around his usual excuses, refusing to listen to any of them. He knew they were only trying to help and he appreciated it, he did, but he just couldn't bring himself to back to the shop yet. After all, that's where he'd received the news that had devastated his entire world.

"I know this has been hard on you. I can't even imagine what you've gone through or if I would even handle it better, but…everyone's worried about you, man. It's not like you to just completely shut down like this. I know it's a lot to handle, but you don't have to handle it alone. We're all here for you, Dean. We just want to help."

"How can you help, Sam? Is there some magical button you can push to make it all go away? Do you have a time machine somewhere so I can go back and not meet her, somehow change what happened? Is there some drug I can take to erase what happened from my mind? No? Well, then you can't really help then, can you?"

Sam sighed. "Dean…Maybe if you got out of the house, go see some of your friends, go for a run, stop by the shop for a couple of hours, do some of the things you love to do, maybe it'll help."

"I am doing what I love. I'm writing a song, aren't I?"

Another sigh. "Dean, I've heard you working on that song for the past week. It's not like you to have this much trouble, especially not when it comes to lyrics. Usually, the lyrics are all written down and all you have to do is come up with the notes. I haven't heard a single word that goes with those notes."

Dean finally turned around on the piano bench and stared at his little brother. "I'm just off my game. The words will come to me. Besides, I have a verse done. I just don't want to add to it until I have more."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean. You've been repeating that melody for a week now with no words to accompany it. That's not the point though. The point is that you need to get out of the house and do something other than sit here and play the same chords over and over again. You're going to waste your life away sitting there. If you don't do something at the shop, you're going to lose it. Jo can't keep it running alone forever. Then you're going to lose the house and be out on the streets. What the hell are you going to do then, huh? Play an imaginary piano? Take it with you? You can't live like this, Dean! This isn't you!"

Dean stood, staring him down. "What the hell do you care, Sam? I didn't see you warning me about what was going on. I didn't see you trying to help me through it the first two weeks after it happened. Everyone steered clear of me for the first two weeks before suddenly trying to 'help'. Well, you know what? I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. There's not a single person I trust anymore enough to help me. How can I trust anyone after that? I damn well know you wouldn't if it had happened to you. We both do. You would shut me out too. You would escape into your own little world too."

Sam's shoulders drooped the slightest bit. "Dean, I'm just trying-."

"To help. Yeah, I got that, Sam. You sure have been doing a bang up job of it lately. I'm done, Sam. I can't do it anymore. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of being here. I'm sick of everyone tiptoeing around me. I'm sick of the betrayal. I'm sick of all of this. So everyone can go back to their lives and forget all of this happened, okay? You tell everyone to stop worrying about me because it won't matter anymore."

He grabbed his jacket and his keys and started towards the door. Sam whirled on him. "What the hell does that mean, Dean?! Killing yourself isn't the answer and you know that! What did you used to say? That killing yourself was the coward's way out? Look who's the coward now! That has never been who you are and you know it."

Dean shrugged off his words, but stopped before he shut the door behind him. He turned halfway towards his brother with a sad look in his eye. "I'm sorry, Sammy. I guess I'm not the man you wanted me to be."

The door clicked shut behind him. He slipped into the driver's seat of his impala, turned the key, and allowed himself a moments pleasure as his baby roared to life. He listened to her purr for a brief few seconds before slipping her into reverse, backing out of the driveway, and leaving his home for what he planned to be the last time. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam run out of the front door, yelling and waving his arms at him, trying to make him stop. He only pressed down harder on the gas, leaving his little brother behind with silent tears running down both of their faces.

SPN

Sam watched as the taillights of the impala disappeared from view. He couldn't believe what was happening. If Dean even knew what he had done for him…

He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed Jo's number. It only rang twice before her drawl came over the line.

"Hey, Sam, what's up? Any luck with Big Brother?"

A soft sob finally worked its way up his throat and out from under his self-control. "Jo…he's doing it. I never thought he would, but he is."

He could practically visualize her sitting up straighter, eyes widening to the size of saucers. "For real? Are you with him? What happened?"

"When I got to the house, he was playing the piano like he always does anymore. I listened for a while, but finally interrupted him. I tried to talk some sense into him, tell him he needed to get out of the house for a bit, but we got into an argument. He ended up grabbing his keys and leaving. He said he's sick of everything and to tell everyone to stop worrying about him, that it won't matter anymore."

"Oh my God…"

"Before he walked out the door, he turned back to me and said, 'I'm sorry. I guess I'm not the man you wanted me to be.' I chased after him, but he was already gone. He took the impala and left."

"Sam, we need to call the police. Have them send out some kind of APB for him or something, tell them he's a risk to himself. I don't care what the hell we tell them, but we need to have someone out there looking for him."

"Okay. You make the call. I'm headed your way."

"Okay, Sam. You drive carefully, okay? We don't need to lose two brothers tonight."

The entire way to the shop, Sam couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said to Dean. Maybe if he'd been gentler with his words or chosen different ones. Maybe if he'd pushed harder sooner or just let it go when Dean kept resisting. He'd only been trying to help his brother get over everything that had happened. It had been horrible, more than that. He couldn't possibly imagine how Dean was feeling. He didn't want to know how Dean was feeling. In all honestly, Dean was handling it better than he could have been. Or…was handling it better. He could have been spending all his time inside a whiskey bottle or at a strip club, running a risk of catching something, but all he'd done was sit at his piano for hours on end working on the same song repeatedly.

It had been like something inside of him had just snapped and he didn't have the energy to do anything besides play that damned piano. He was grateful his method of coping had been healthier than the alternatives, until now.

He wasn't entirely sure if Dean would go through with it or not. He'd never seen that look in his brother's eye before and he never wanted to see it again. The thought that he may never see his brother again to see that look in them brought on a fresh wave of tears sliding down his cheeks. He had never been the emotional type, never cried over anything besides when he got his heart broken or when he broke his arm in third grade. The thought of losing his brother forever scared him to no end. Dean was the only family he had left after everything that had happened. He couldn't lose him. He never wanted to lose him.

Pulling into the parking lot, Sam got out of his car and walked into the recording studio that Dean owned. He was a recording artist and one of the best. A lot of people came from great distances just to work with Dean. The past three weeks they'd had to settle with Jo, but a lot of their regular clients were getting upset with paying to have Dean record their albums and having to settle for someone else. Jo was great at it, but she wasn't Dean. They had others working their too, but it just wasn't the same.

Sam found her in Dean's office, talking on the phone with someone he presumed to be the police. She looked up and saw the tear tracks on his cheeks. He noticed the same on her own. They were all emotionally distraught over this turn in events. None of them had seen it coming.

She hung up the phone and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "They're sending out search teams to look for him. I gave them the plate number for the impala, so they're issuing an APB for it. They said they'd contact us if they find anything."

Sam nodded, wrapping his arms tighter around her. "Jo…what are we going to do?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, Sam. I don't know."


	2. Letters To Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets settled into his new life. Sam deals with the disappearance of his brother. Dean also manages to make some new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's up quicker than I thought. I made it longer than the last one. I'll get started on the next one now. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

Dean pulled into a small town after driving for hours and hours. He’d been on the road for two days. He knew that Jo would have the police issue an APB out on him, so he wanted to get as far away as possible before he did anything.

He’d only stopped occasionally and that was for gas and to empty his bank account. He didn’t want to use his card and allow the police to track him down. He almost hadn’t emptied the account, thinking about leaving all his money to Sam and Jo, but something in the back of his mind had told him to take out the money. It had said that if he did do something stupid like kill himself, then when they found his body and the impala, they could give all the money to Sam then. It’d seemed like a reasonable plan, so he’d went with it.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with himself so he pulled into a small bar near the outskirts of town. Walking inside, he found the place nearly deserted save for some bar flies he figured where usually there.

He took a seat on a stool and ordered a beer from the bartender. As he sipped it, he couldn’t get Sam’s words out of his head. _“Look who’s the coward now!”_

His grip on the bottle tightened. Maybe he was a coward. Maybe he couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe he couldn’t live with himself for being tricked so easily and by so many people close to him. Hell, for all he knew, everyone in his life could have known about it and decided not to tell him.

A small part of him knew that he was being a big baby about everything, but it stung, badly. Learning the truth had ripped him apart. He hadn’t known who to trust or even if he _could_ trust anyone.

“You look like you could use some company.”

Dean looked up into the eyes of the man who’d served him the beer. They were the brightest blue Dean had ever seen. They appeared to be kind, trusting, but so had hers.

“Don’t think I’m much company at the moment.”

The man shrugged lightly and made a small sweep of the bar. “You’re more talkative than the rest of these fellows. All they do is sit there and stare into their shot glass or watch the tv without so much as uttering a word besides what type of alcohol they’d like next.”

Dean chuckled darkly, knowing how they felt suddenly. “Can’t say I blame them. They’re probably looking for a way to escape their demons.”

“And are you? Trying to escape your demons?”

Dean looked back up at him and shrugged. “Isn’t that what most people go to a bar for?”

The man tilted his head the slightest bit. “You have a point. The trick is to not run from them forever. I know a thing or two about that, believe me.”

“Who says I’m running?”

One of the man’s eyebrows quirked half an inch up his forehead. “This is a pretty small town where just about everybody knows everybody. I’ve lived here for a couple of years now and I’ve never seen you before. It’s not like this is a major stop on a highway that attracts a lot of tourists. It’s an out of the way town you come across if you’re on crumbling highways and back roads. Either you know someone who lives here and you’re visiting them, or you’re running from something and you somehow managed to wind up here. Now, if you were visiting someone, my best guess would be that you’d be with them and enjoying it instead of sitting here with that look on your face. So, my conclusion is that you’re running from something. Now the real question is: what?”

Dean snorted. “You’re good, I’ll give you that.”

The man resisted smirked, leaning forward on his elbows. “I’m Castiel.”

Dean hesitated a long moment, wondering if he should give him his real name in case the cops happened to come looking for him. He figured he was in a town far enough out of the way that there would be no chance in hell they’d find him here. “Dean.”

“I’d say it’s nice to meet you, Dean, but you look like hell and it’s obvious nothing good brought you here.”

He grunted, taking a swig of his beer. “You could say that.”

The man nodded. “How long you stayin’?”

Dean thought about it. It was a loaded question. The man had been innocent about it, but there was nothing innocent about that question, not in this case.

He settled for shrugging his shoulders. “Not long.”

Something flashed in Castiel’s eyes that Dean couldn’t catch before it flicked out. He was staring Dean down hard, trying to get a feel for him. Usually Dean was pretty good about keeping eye contact, but he wasn’t up to the challenge so he looked away, staring down at his beer bottle. He took another long sip, draining most of it.

“You know, small towns can be good for escaping demons. There’s not a constant thrum that makes you feel like you’re drowning. You can actually hear yourself think. And the people are pretty decent.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be staying long enough to find out.”

Castiel nodded, obviously thinking over his words before he said them. “I think you’re a small town kind of guy. Or, the very least, could become one. Maybe all you need is a chance at a fresh start. Leave your old life behind for a while and live for you. It seems like it could do wonders for you.”

Dean’s eyes lifted to meet his. He thought over his words. Could it even be possible to start over? Get a new chance at life without the past pressing down at him, threatening to crush him.

“Maybe. Who knows.”

It wasn’t long before people starting coming into the bar, averting Castiel’s attention away from Dean. It gave Dean a chance to think without being disturbed. Maybe the man was right. Maybe that’s all he needed was a second chance. Maybe he could just leave his past in the past and move on, finish that song, meet some new people, find a job, find a life.

Suddenly, that’s all he wanted. He wanted that second chance. The thought of taking the easy way out was still nudging at his mind, trying to get him to take that step, but so was the possibility that he could get a fresh start at everything. He could find an apartment, get a job, make new friends. He had enough money to last him a while without a job.

His mind flew back to Sam and the rest of his family back home. He knew they were worried sick about him. He’d had to turn his phone off and take the battery out so that they would stop calling and that way they couldn’t track the gps in his phone. He knew he should let them know he was okay, but part of him wanted to make them suffer like he had done.

After a while of debating with himself, he reasoned that once he found a place and got settled, started a new life here, he would let them know he was okay. It would be right thing for him to do. They were his family after all, no matter what had happened. Sam meant the world to him, as did Jo, Ellen, and Bobby. He couldn’t imagine hurting them to the point of letting them think he _might_ be dead, but never know for sure. He couldn’t do that to them.

He stayed for another hour, drinking another beer, before closing his tab and leaving the bar. He saw Castiel’s eyes follow him as he walked away, but wasn’t sure what to make of it. He seemed sincere and also concerned. What he couldn’t understand was why he was concerned for a complete stranger.

 

**SPN**

“I’m going out of my mind. I have no idea if he’s even _alive_. You’d think he would have called by now or come back…sent a text… _something._ ”

Jo sighed, running a hand through her messy hair. “You heard what the cops said. There’s a good chance that…that he won’t be coming back. He’s been gone for four days, Sam. His phone is either off or he trashed it. Either he just needs some time to cool off and come to his senses, or…we may never see him again. I know that’s hard to accept…It’s hard for me to accept…but we _were_ really hard on him. I don’t blame him, at all.”

Sam whirled on her. “How can you say that?! He was moping around like a little kid, for Heaven’s sake!”

She nodded, keeping calm. “I know that, but he had every right to be moping. Look at what had just happened to him. He had just lost three very important people in his life and not because they were suddenly killed in some freak accident. All three of them betrayed him. He had every right to act the way he did, especially after the way we acted. I’m not happy with what happened any more than you are. I love Dean just as much as you do and don’t even try to say that I don’t. He’s my big brother too even if we aren’t related. Remember what Bobby always says?”

Sam sighed, running a hand down his face. “Blood doesn’t make family.”

“Exactly. Now, let’s stop and really think about this. This is Dean we’re talking about, okay? I don’t care how mopey and depressed he is…Do you really think he’s capable of killing himself? Just running off somewhere where no one knows where he is and ending his life? Alone?”

Sam stared at her, thinking about his big brother. “Not until I saw the look in his eyes and heard what he had to say. After that? I really don’t know. He apologized to me, Jo. He said he’s not the man I want him to be. What the hell did he mean by that?”

Jo shrugged helplessly. “It sounds to me like he’s disappointed in himself for not having caught it sooner, for letting himself be tricked by them. I don’t blame him, I would be too. I’m not saying I blame him for not catching it, but…I’d be a wreck if I were in his shoes. I’d also have some pretty epic trust issues to work through.”

Sam sat down on the couch, burying his face in his hands. “What worries me is how he handled it. He didn’t drink his liver into failure. He didn’t go out and have pointless sex or go to a strip club. He didn’t snap everyone’s head off every chance he got or bury himself so far deep in trouble he couldn’t see daylight. He was silent. He barely talked. He buried himself in that song he was working on that he couldn’t even come up with words for. That right there was weird. He can always come up with lyrics, no matter what’s going on. I’ve never seen him struggle with words like that. It was unnerving. He just kept playing the same melody over and over again.”

Jo nodded, thinking over Dean’s behavior. “I haven’t either. He always knows what to say. Maybe he’s too focused on what happened to really concentrate, I don’t know. Maybe one day we’ll find out.”

**SPN**

Dean grunted as he set down his end of the couch. Every day he’d been in the quiet little town, he’d gone to the bar. Less and less of it had been to actually get drunk and more of it had to do with the new friend he’d made: Castiel. After he’d finally found an apartment he liked, and basically squatted for a few days while he tracked down some furniture, he’d asked Cas to help him move everything in. Cas had accepted, of course, and even brought in some friends of his own to help.

Dean stood and wiped sweat from his forehead. “Well, all that’s left to be brought up is the tv, the stand for it, a table, and a piano.”

Cas was nodding along as Dean ticked off each item, but froze at the last one. His eyes widened. “A piano? We have to carry a piano up those stairs? You’re kidding.”

Dean smirked. “Nope. Don’t worry though. It’s not a grand piano. It’s just a small console piano. Doesn’t weigh all that much. As long as we have a spotter to make sure it doesn’t tip over on us, we’ll be good.”

Cas sighed, flexing his sore muscles. “Okay, but I propose we take a short break before attempting that feat.”

Dean smirked. “Deal. Let’s go get the TV and the stand before we take it. Garth and Charlie can handle the table. Then we’ll take the break. That way all we’ll have left is the piano.”

Cas nodded. “Sounds fair.”

Everything had basically been delivered all at the same time that day so all of his furniture had been sitting on the sidewalk for the past couple of hours while they moved everything up into the apartment. Thankfully, Dean hadn’t had to buy a fridge or stove, the apartment having come with them already, otherwise he didn’t know how they would manage getting everything up the stairs. He could tell they were all as tired as he felt. He wasn’t used to this much physical activity given he’d been a recording artist for the past few years. Granted, he worked out when he found the time, but it’d been quite a while since then.

They’d left a kid from Cas’s apartment building with the furniture so no one walked away with anything, thinking it was all for free and not someone trying to move in. Dean had told all of them that once everything was moved in, he’d buy everyone something to eat as a way of thanking them for their help. When Cas had told him he’d asked a couple of friends to help, he was nervous about meeting them. He hadn’t known what to expect.

When Garth had pulled up and opened his mouth, Dean hadn’t known what to think. He’d glanced in Cas’s way to see his eyes glistening with amusement. Once he started to really talk to Garth, he realized the guy was okay. He was a bit odd, but if that worked for him than what was his place to judge? Whatever got him through life, Dean supposed.

Now Charlie was another matter. From the very moment that Dean had met her, they had clicked. He was able to channel his inner nerd and geek out a bit while they talked. She was a seriously cool person. The more he talked to her, the more he found in common with her. He’d made a mental note to have her around more often.

Dean placed a hand on the TV and looked at the others. “Okay, I’ll get the TV. I think Cas can handle that stand all on his own. If you two want to grab that table, that’d be great.”

The group nodded and went for the items he’d suggested. He went up the stairs first, having been standing right next to his item. The tv was nothing special, but it worked and it had good quality. He’d already bought the DVD player and all the hookups he’d need. He wasn’t going to get cable as he didn’t watch TV enough for it.

It didn’t take long to get everything up into the apartment and placed properly. Dean sank down on the couch, ready for that short break he’d allowed before they went back for the piano. “I think I could sleep for a week.”

Cas chuckled, sitting down beside him. “I agree. I’m glad I have the day off tomorrow as well.”

Dean nodded. He’d started a job at a local mechanics shop, having been taught everything he needed to know and then some about cars when he was growing up. His father had been a mechanic and had expected him to be one too, but he’d wanted to go into the music industry more, so that’s what he’d done, until now. It’d made him chuckle a little when he’d gotten the job. His father would have been proud, not that he really cared what his father thought.

“What do we want to eat? Might as well order now that way it gets here by the time we get the piano up here.”

Cas rested his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes. “Pizza is fine with me.”

Dean looked over at Garth and Charlie who were sitting on the loveseat he’d gotten. They both nodded, rattling off what kinds they liked. Dean nodded. “Okay, well, one of you is going to have to call because I don’t know any pizza places around here yet, let alone their numbers.”

Charlie pulled out her phone and dialed a number. She rattled off their order before stopping and looking at Dean. “Hey, Dean, what’s your address again? I can’t remember.”

“266 East Lawrence street.”

She repeated it into the phone before thanking them and hanging up. “Okay. It’ll be here in half an hour. I suggest you two get a move on with that piano so we have plenty of time before it gets here.”

Dean looked over at Cas who didn’t seem to be too inclined to move. “You know, we can always do it later.”

His eyes slid open and he lifted his head. “No, we can do it now. That way Ben can go home and stop sitting there on the sidewalk all afternoon. Let’s get it over with and then we can rest some more.”

“I like your reasoning, Cas.”

Cas was halfway standing when he heard the nickname. He froze, falling back onto the couch. “Cas?”

Dean’s eyes widened a fraction. “Yeah, uh, it’s shorter than Castiel and easier to say. I’ve kind of been calling you that in my head since we met, but didn’t know how you would feel about it so I kept my mouth shut. It kind of just slipped out. Sorry.”

One of Cas’s eyebrows rose and his lips turned into a smirk. “I am fine with the nickname, Dean. It just caught me by surprise because no one has ever given me a nickname before besides my brothers.”

Dean nodded, pushing to his feet. “Alright then, Cas. Let’s get a move on.”

 

It had been nine days since Dean had last seen his brother. It’d been five since he’d given any conscious thought to ending his life. He immersed himself into his new life, his new apartment, new job, new friends. He didn’t let himself think about Lisa or his parents. His mind frequently took him back to his brother and his family. He wondered how they were doing, how worried they were.

After Cas and the other left, Dean sat down and decided it was time to let his brother know how he was doing and that he was still alive.

He pulled out a notebook he’d picked up from the store, found a pen, and got to work.

_Dear Sammy,_

_I know you’re worrying about me. I’m sorry I made you and the others worry so much. It was never my intention. I’m still alive and I’m not going to kill myself. When I left that house, I had every intention of doing just that, but something changed my mind along the way from there to where I am now. I left a mess behind, I know, but Jo is fully capable of taking care of the studio. I have full confidence she can keep it running without me. I’m not coming back. Probably not ever. I’ve found a second chance, somewhere to start over. I know I’m hurting you and I’m sorry, but if I come back I’ll only get worse. None of us want that. Bobby, Ellen, Jo…Mary and John…they’re your family. They’ll  take good care of you. We both know that. Blood doesn’t make family, as Bobby would say._

_It’s your job now to keep Jo in line and keep her out of trouble. Make sure Ellen doesn’t have to handle Bobby alone. We both know they might strangle each other one day. God knows they love each other, but you never know. I wish I could say I’d see you soon or ever. Chances are, you’ll never see me again. Don’t bother calling or texting me. I dumped the phone a while back. I’m not leaving a return address because you deserve to get on with your life and move on from my mistakes. You’ll always be my baby brother. I’ll never forget watching you grow up and become the man you are. My best memory is watching you become someone to be proud of. Who knows, maybe someday fate will let us meet again. If that happens, I’ll be a different person. Hopefully, I’ll finally be someone you can be proud to call your brother. Until then…I have some things to work on._

_I want you to know that I’m safe. I have a place, a job. I somehow managed to scrounge up some friends already. They’re pretty great too, I know you’d like them. One of them’s named Cas. He’s great. Sarcastic son of a bitch, but he keeps me on my toes. Then there’s Garth. If you ask me, he’s a bit odd, but whatever. He’s cool. And then Charlie who’s as big of a nerd as I am. She’s awesome. They could never replace you guys, you know that right? Jo will always be my little sister. Bobby will be second father until I die. Ellen is my second mother. And you will always be Sammy, my little brother and my best friend. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, Sammy._

_Your words keep bouncing around inside my head. I was a coward. You were right. But I’m a coward who’s trying to make something of myself and allow myself a second chance at something I couldn’t have gotten back there. This isn’t fair to you or to the others, I know, but it’s the way it has to be. I guess I’ll end this here before I made things worse than I already have. I love you, Sammy. Don’t you ever forget that. I’m trying to be the man you thought I was, the man you want me to be, but more than that, I’m going to be the man I can look into the mirror and not be ashamed of anymore. Goodbye, Sammy. Take care of yourself and the others. And the studio. I hope I see you again someday._

_Love Always,_

_Dean_

_Ps: It wasn’t your fault I left. I’m glad you pushed. This is what I needed and we both know it. This is a good thing, Sammy, trust me. Love you, kid._

He folded the piece of paper after re-reading it for ten minutes. He stood and left his apartment, heading down to the post office. Once inside, he asked the man behind the desk for an envelope, a stamp, and a pen. When he got the letter inside and the stamp secured in place, he neatly scribbled down Sam’s address. He briefly thought about going ahead and putting a return address, but decided against it. He paid for the envelope and the stamp and slid the letter across the desk. He turned his back from the letter, took a deep breath, and finally allowed himself to fully immerse himself into his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think of Dean's decisions so far?


	3. Nerd Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some memories come up. Dean helps out when they don't even expect it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in an update. I was camping all weekend and away from civilization. There was no service where I was at and I didn't have my laptop. The only technology I had was my phone to use as a watch and that's it. Hah! But here it is. Kind of short...but. I wanted to get it up. Hope you like!

**Chapter 3**

_Skies are crying, I am watching_   
_Catching tear drops in my hands_   
_Only silence as it's ending_   
_Like we never had a chance_   
_Do you have to make me feel like_   
_There's nothing left of me?_

Dean sighed and lowered his head. He couldn’t get past that verse. He’d been working on it every chance he got, but no cigar.

He’d been in Cedaredge for thirty-five days. It’d been twenty-six since he sent that letter to his little brother. He’d half expected Sam to threaten the post office or find some way to find him then come busting down his door. That hadn’t happened. His new phone only rang when Cas or Charlie called him. The only letters he received were bills or advertisements.

A knock came from his door. Dean stared at it for a long moment, trying to remember if he was expecting company or not. Finally, he pushed to his feet and answered the door.

“Cas! What are you doing here?”

Cas quirked an eyebrow. “We’re supposed to watch a movie, remember? Charlie is on her way with pizza.”

Realization sank in. They’d made plans a few days ago to get together and start the Harry Potter series since Cas had never seen them.

“Right. Sorry, I got caught up in some stuff. It completely slipped my mind. Come on in, man.”

Cas chuckled as he shut the door behind him. “You mean you got caught up in a song. What were you playing, anyway?”

Dean stopped mid-step and glanced at the piano. He gave enough hesitation to spark Cas’s curiosity.

“You know, Dean…you don’t have to tell me.”

Dean shook his head and took a breath. “It’s a song I’ve been working on for…a couple of months. I can’t get the lyrics right. I’ve had the melody all along, but…none of the words I think of seem to fit.”

Cas watched his body language, seeing the tension between his shoulders. “I’m sure the words will come to you. You just have to give it some time. Don’t push so hard and maybe they’ll come to you.”

Dean turned towards him and studied him. “You’ve never asked me about my past. Why not?”

Cas tilted his head to the side. “Where is this coming from?”

“Just answer the question, Cas.”

He shrugged. “It’s your past and you’ve decided to leave it behind. What place do I have to ask you to bring it up when you clearly want to forget it?”

Dean swallowed. “I don’t want to forget it, not all of it. I have family that I never want to forget, but I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Cas smiled softly at him. “You don’t need to talk about it, Dean, if you do not want to. It is up to you.”

Dean nodded. “I know. I want to, but…just not yet. Give me some time and I’ll tell you.”

“Okay. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”

Before Dean could answer, the door swung open and Charlie walked in. “Come on, bitches! Let’s get this thing rollin’! I’ve been craving some Weasley action for days!”

Dean chuckled, “I’ll put the movie in. Cas, grab us some beers and we’ll get the party started.”

**SPN**

Sam ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t bring himself to blame Dean for his decision one bit. If he’d been in the same position, he knew he would have done the exact same way. The knowledge that his brother was alive and okay helped him through not being able to see or talk to him.

He’d given some serious thought into tracking him down. He’d even gotten the number for a private investigator, but he figured if Dean wanted to be found, he would let him know where he was. It wasn’t his place to intrude on Dean’s privacy or defy his wishes.

Sam knew that Dean’s choices were what was best for him. If Dean came back just because this is where he was from, things might never pick back up. He might get stuck in that slump. Sam wanted what was best for Dean, even if that was possibly never seeing him or talking to him again. As long as his brother was safe, alive, and happy…that’s all that mattered to him.

His entire life, Dean did nothing but look after everyone else in his life except himself. He had a successful business, but would drop everything to help someone, no matter the consequences. He had done everything under the sun for Sam. He had always been there for his little brother. He’d taken care of their drunken father when no one else wanted to. He had stood right next to their mother to help her through the years of dealing with John. He’d stayed close by his entire life to make sure he didn’t hurt her. Dean had taken all the abuse while they were growing up.

Sam couldn’t remember how many times Dean had stepped in between the two of them and stopped something from happening. All the times Sam and John would fight, Dean would be right there to play mediator and keep things under control the best he could.

Dean had scars from their childhood that nothing could cover or make better. Sam didn’t want to even think about how he’d acquired them. Of course, he knew, but he had never witnessed it. Dean had never let him. He’d tell him to go hide in the closet or under the bed. Sometimes Sam would try to peak and see what was happening, but he could never make out the movements in the dark.

One night he had tried to talk to Dean about it, but Dean would always tell him not to worry about it and that everything would be okay. He knew that everything would be okay because Dean always protected him from everything. Their father never laid a hand on him thanks to Dean.

Sam sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He’d just read Dean’s letter for what had to have been the hundredth time. It was the last thing he had from his brother. He missed him more than anything and just wished he could talk to him.

Things weren’t going so well without him there. His girlfriend, Jess, had broken up with him because he just wasn’t the same anymore apparently. She had said it was a long time coming. He hadn’t spoken to his parents in months. He wasn’t sure how they could keep the house and the studio. The studio brought in a good bit of money, but it wasn’t bringing in nearly as much as it did when Dean had been running it. People just wanted Dean. Without him being there, a lot of people went somewhere else to get their albums recorded and there just wasn’t anything they could do about it. Sam was worried that they might have to see Dean’s house soon if things didn’t pick up. He’d even picked up some extra hours to try and cover their losses, but it wasn’t making enough of a difference. He’d even decided this would be his last semester. There just wasn’t enough money to keep up tuition.

Every night, he looked at a picture on his nightstand of himself and Dean. Sometimes he would even talk to him, tell him about his day, tell him his problems or worries. It made him feel a little better to get things off his chest. He just wished his brother could be there in person to feel even better. Maybe someday that could happen again.

**SPN**

Dean shook his head. “No, Harry freed Dobby by taking off his sock and then tricking Malfoy into giving it to him.”

Cas tilted his head to the side. “But I do not understand. It was Harry’s sock. How could that free him if it wasn’t Malfoy’s?”

“Because it was in the book that Malfoy gave Dobby. The book was in Malfoy’s possession meaning the sock was too; therefore, when Dobby was given the book…he was also given the sock. When house elves are given clothes by their masters, they’re set free and no longer slaves.”

Cas blew out a breath. “Why is this so confusing?”

Charlie snorted, shaking her head and taking a big bite of her ice cream. “It’s not confusing. You’re just not paying enough attention.”

Dean nodded, “You need to loosen up a bit. Allow your imagination to just roll with what they’re saying and doing. Remember, this is fantasy where anything could happen.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I know that, Dean. I do not believe people run around with sticks and cursing people.”

Charlie’s eyes widened. “You mean, you don’t?”

Dean couldn’t help the bubble of laughter that erupted from his throat. “When I was younger, I’d chase my little brother around the back yard with a stick and pretend to turn him into a toad. One time I made him believe that I’d actually managed to turn him invisible. That was the greatest.”

Charlie looked up from her bowl. “You have a brother?”

Dean tensed. He hadn’t meant to let it slip about Sam, but he’d been having a good time and not thinking about anything. He swallowed and nodded. “Yeah, uh, I do. His name’s Sam. He’s the best. He’s going to Stanford to become a lawyer. I’ve been looking out for that kid since he was born.”

Cas watched Dean carefully. He saw that sadness in his eyes and also the pride. “How old is he?”

“Twenty-two. He’s five years younger than me. He’s a great kid.”

He took a pull from his beer, thinking about his little brother. He really missed him. Not a day had gone by while he’d been there where he didn’t think about him and wish he could talk to him.

Of course, if he’d just get over his stubbornness, he could talk to him. All he had to do was pick up the phone or get in his car, maybe send another letter, but with a return address this time. He’d definitely considered it, but he needed to be on his own this time. He needed to think about himself. He knew he could do that and still communicate with his brother, but he needed to get his mind in the right spot before he attempted to back down that road again.

Charlie clicked her tongue and cleared her throat. “Well! Who’s up for the third movie?? We can order another pizza or something.”

Dean nodded, bringing his mind back to the present. “Yeah, that sounds great to me.”

Cas nodded as well. “I will order the pizza. What do we want?”

**SPN**

Jo rubbed her eyes. It had been a very long week and all she wanted to do was go home and go to bed, but she still had a few hours left before she could leave the studio. She was currently working on the books and trying to figure out how they were going to make it to next month.

She logged into the account set up for the studio’s finances and did a double take. There was an extra four hundred dollars sitting in the account that hadn’t been there before. It had come from an anonymous source.

She narrowed her eyes at the screen and picked up her cell phone. She dialed the number for the bank to see who had deposited the money into the account. The only answer she received from them was that it had come from a bank in Colorado, but that’s all they could tell her. There was no name on the bank statement to give to her.

After hanging up the phone, she dialed Sam’s number. It rang a couple of times before he finally answered. “Hey, Jo. What’s up?”

“Hey…so, I’m pretty sure Dean is Colorado.”

There was a long moment of silence as the information sank in. “How do you know that?”

“I was going over the finances for the studio when a chunk of money landed in the account from an anonymous source. I called the bank and all they could tell me was that it had come from a bank in Colorado. There wasn’t a name on the statement, but…who else would deposit four hundred dollars into the studio’s bank account?”

“Four hundred dollars?! Is that enough to keep it going?”

“Yeah, it’s definitely enough to squeeze by. I mean, we won’t be throwing any parties, but we’ll be able to keep her open for at least another month or so.”

“Wow. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that he’s depositing money. The studio is his baby. Well, his _other_ baby besides the impala. Did they say where in Colorado?”

Jo shook her head, staring at the screen of her laptop. “No. All they gave me was the state. It’s not like it matters though, right? I mean, Dean doesn’t want to be found yet. And we both know that he won’t be found until he wants it. At least we know that he’s alive, he’s obviously attempting to be happy, he’s made friends…and he’s got a good enough job to be able to afford to deposit that much into the account. It sounds like he’s doing good for himself, but that doesn’t exactly surprise me. That’s what he’s good at. Well, that and taking care of everyone around him.”

There was a sigh on the other end of the line. “Yeah, you’re right. I just wish that he’d get past this stage of whatever he’s going through and get ahold of us. By that, I mean more than just a letter with no return address. I miss him, you know? I just want my brother back.”

Jo smiled softly, looking at the picture on the desk of the three of them from when they were younger. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I want him back too. He’ll be back though. It’s Dean. He can’t stay away from us forever. It’s not in his blood. He misses us and he’ll be back eventually. We just have to keep everything going until he does.”

“Yeah. I just have to keep telling myself that. Well, hey, I need to let you go. I’m about to walk into class. I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for let me know.”

“Of course, Sam. I’ll see you tonight at Mom’s for supper. You’re still coming, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. I’ll see you then. Bye, Jo.”

The line went dead and Jo tucked her phone back into her pocket. She chuckled despite herself. Even from wherever the hell Dean was, he was still taking care of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think of Dean helping them with the studio when they don't even know where he is?


	4. Memory Lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean opens up about his past with Cas finally. Sam finally starts to understand his brother's decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Here is the next chapter. I'm trying to make them longer, add in more information. From here on out, I'm going to try to make it more excited and more...interesting? I've been trying to show both sides of the coin. I'll throw in some Ellen and Bobby soon, maybe in the next chapter. Well, enjoy!

**Chapter 4**

Cas rolled his eyes. “No, I think my favorite was the second movie.”

Dean stared at him long and hard. “You’ve got to be kidding me. How can you pass up the last movie? Did you not watch it? Didn’t you see the way he just gave up the Elder wand and tossed it over the bridge? Or how he pretended to be dead to give him that edge to finally beat Voldemort once and for all?”

“Yes, Dean, I saw the movie the same time you did, but it wasn’t nearly as good as when Harry beat Tom Riddle by stabbing the diary with the basilisk fang or when he fought it off using the sword. It was very heroic.”

“Yeah! And so was fighting Voldemort in person! He chased that bastard down. He even went back and saved Draco when he easily could have just left him there to die after everything Draco did to him over the years.”

Cas shook his head. “He could not have left him there. That is not in Harry’s character. He could not have turned his back like that. The same way that he saved Dudley from that dementor attack in the fifth movie. He would never just leave him there to die. Or how about when he warned Cedric about the dragons in the fourth movie. Cedric was fierce competition and yet he helped him out. He also told him to take the cup and go, but they both ended up taking it. What do you have to say about that?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “That’s my whole point! Of course, he didn’t leave him behind. That’s what I’m trying to say. He’s heroic as fuck.”

Cas chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. They had been arguing for the past hour over the movie series they had recently finished. They had been watching the movies on and off for the past two weeks when they could get the time. Both men had been busy with work, but they would get together every chance they got. A few times Charlie had joined them, but she was busy with her own life as well.

They were sitting at the kitchen table in Dean’s apartment. It was their usual hangout spot besides the bar or Cas’s apartment. Occasionally, they’d go to a diner or to their favorite pizza place, but they usually just ordered to go.

Dean stared down into his bottle, sobering up from their debate. He’d been thinking long and hard about what he was about to do. He still wasn’t sure if he was ready, but Cas had a right to know; especially if things were going to go the direction he wanted them to go at some point.

“Cas, I’ve been thinking…”

Cas looked up from checking his phone. He’d received a message from Charlie asking if they wanted to grab a bite to eat. “Thinking about what, Dean?”

Dean started rolling the bottle between his fingers. “I asked you two weeks ago why you don’t ask me about my past. You said it’s not your place to bring it up.”

Cas had a feeling he knew where this was going. “Dean…you don’t have to say anything. I understand the need for wanting to keep things in the past. I would never hold that against you.”

Dean shook his head. “I need to…I don’t want to keep everything in the past. There are a lot of things that I don’t want to forget and I feel like…if I don’t tell someone…I will forget. I’m not ready to tell you why I left, but…I can at least start at the beginning.”

Cas reached forward and rested his hand on top of Dean’s free one. He squeezed it, trying to show him his support. “If you’re ready, Dean…then I’m here to listen.”

Dean finally looked up from his bottle and met blue on green. “You sure, Cas? It’s not exactly a fairytale.”

Cas smiled softly at him. “I’m sure, Dean. I’m all yours.”

A thought passed quickly through Dean’s mind about wishing that were true in more cases than one, but he let it go so he could start his story.

“Okay. Well…I guess I’ll start with when I was a kid. My parents had me and everything was great. About five years later, they had my little brother Sammy. I was thrilled to have a little brother. I could teach him stuff, you know? How to be a big kid, or whatever. For a while, it was awesome. Mom and Dad seemed just as happy as I was. And then my Dad started drinking more than he usually did. First it was just beer, lots of beer. Then he started adding whiskey to the mix. When Sammy was three…he started hitting my mom. I didn’t see it at first. I was only a kid. They didn’t want me to see that. It wasn’t long until he just didn’t care anymore if we saw it. The first time it happened in front of me, I tried to stop it and he threw me against a wall, knocking me out. He figured that would stop me from interfering and he was wrong. Every time I saw it, I stepped in between them. It wasn’t long before I was strong enough to take most of it away from her. I made her take Sammy into the other room and protect him.

After a couple of months, she started leaving the house by the time he’d be drunk and pissed enough to start up his routine. She left Sammy and I to fend for ourselves every night. I had a timer set on my watch that would go off ten minutes before he usually started in on it, so I’d hide Sammy away in his closet or under his bed, anywhere I could find where he could fit. I made him promise me not to watch what happened. As far as I know, he never did. For years I saved him from everything my father was. I raised that kid when my parents were too incompetent. I could never be more proud of that kid than I am. Our mom…she ignored the bruises. She was free from getting beat, so she ignored it. When I moved out of the house, I took Sammy with me. There was no way I was leaving him behind to take my place. By the time he was old enough to understand what was happening, and then brave enough to stand up to the old man…it got harder to protect him. He was always starting fights with the man. Always questioning, always provoking. I had to stand in between those two almost every day. They were two strong personalities that just kept clashing. I know Sammy was trying to protect me, but…when I was old enough, I started working out, getting stronger. I did everything I could to gain muscle. It took a little while, but I got strong enough to fight back and make a dent. It’d only make him angrier, but I kept fighting.”

He took a breath and a sip of beer. Cas squeezed his hand again. “Your mom just abandoned you both for years? Just came back when it was safe?”

Dean nodded, “Yeah. I can’t say I exactly blame her. I mean…the man was beating her, but...”

“She abandoned her children. She left them to be beaten by a drunk. That’s not right.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s not. I can’t even begin to imagine what was going through her head to make her do that, but…when I moved out and took Sammy with me…that left no one to protect her from him. I tried to feel bad for just leaving her there with him, but I couldn’t bring myself to. That probably makes me a horrible person, but I don’t really care.”

Cas shook his head, tightening his grip on Dean’s hand. “That doesn’t make you a horrible person, Dean. Not to me. It makes you someone who was forced to survive something they should never been near. You were protecting your little brother. You have every right to feel whatever way you want towards your mother. You will never see judgment about that from me.”

There was a sadness in Dean’s eyes that Cas never wanted to see again. He took his other hand and put it over the hand that was wrapped around his beer bottle. When they connected, Dean let go of the bottle and let Cas hold his hand, giving him the comfort and support he needed.

“What happened next, Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath, bringing up his memories from all those years ago. “I found an apartment for the two of us. I kept in touch with my mom. I think mainly to know if she was still alive or not. I went over there from time to time, see if his drinking had let up at all. It took a couple of years, but Sammy came around eventually. He started protecting mom when we were there, not leaving her side for most of the visit. I never asked why he did, but he didn’t think he’d tell me anyway, so I left it alone. I opened up a recording studio while he was in high school. We needed an income, so it was on me to provide it. I’ve always loved music. That’s how I relieve stress. I write it, sing it, play it. My mother taught back before my father became a drunk. She taught me how to play the piano, how to sing. She would sing to me every night. So, when I got out of there, it just seemed like the right direction to go. People came from across the country to work with me. It brought in a lot of money, enough to buy a house, keep the business going, keep us alive, pay for part of his tuition when he went to college. After he graduated from high school, he went to Stanford, pre-law. He’s the smartest kid I know.”

Cas nodded, understanding why Dean had bought the piano. “That’s why were you playing that song a couple of weeks ago. Is that your own?”

Dean smiled faintly. “Yeah. I’ve been working on it for a few months now. Ever since…I haven’t been able to finish it. Not yet, but I will.”

Cas wet his lips, searching for the right words. “Okay. What happened next? Does Sam have anyone besides you?”

Dean’s smile widened, his mind going back to his family. “Yeah. He has a girlfriend. Her name’s Jess. She’s a real sweetheart. They’ve been together for a couple of years now. There’s Ellen and Bobby who have been our second parents for most of our lives. They helped keep us alive when our parents failed to. They were always someone we could turn to. They’ve always been there for both of us. And their daughter, Jo…she’s my little sister. I love her as much as I love Sammy. I would do anything for any one of them. They can take care of Sammy. They’ll take care of him now that I’m not there.”

“Have you spoken to him since you left? Does he know where you are?”

Dean swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat at the question. “About a week after I got here…I sent him a letter. I didn’t tell him where I am. I…I can’t go back there, Cas. Not after everything that’s happened. If I go back,…I’ll just fall apart all over again. Ever since I got here, I’ve been me again. I can actually function again. I miss them like crazy, I can’t stop thinking about them, but…I told him why I can’t go back. He’ll understand. I told him I’m okay, that I have a place, a job, friends. I’ve been depositing money into the account for the studio so they don’t have to do it alone. Jo’s in charge of it, so it’ll be fine.”

“Dean…maybe you should think about staying in contact with him. You don’t have to go back, but…it’ll give you a peace in mind to be able to know if he’s okay at least.”

Dean cleared his throat, trying to get rid of that lump. “I’ve thought about it. He had nothing to do with why I left. That was…That was something else. I haven’t because I know he’ll either track me down and try to drag me back home or he’ll beg me to come back and I just can’t do that.”

They were silent for a few minutes. They were both lost in their minds, going over the information that had been shared. Cas bit his lip, wondering if he should even ask.

“You were going to end your life that night.”

Dean’s head snapped up and his eyes locked with Cas’s. “What?”

“That night you came into the bar. You were going to end your life, weren’t you?”

Dean stayed silent. He wasn’t sure what to say or how Cas could possibly know that.

“It was in your eyes. Just by looking at you, I could tell.”

A light bulb clicked on in his mind. “That look that flashed through your eyes. I couldn’t tell at the time what it had been, but…that’s why you were talking to me. You…You saved my life, Cas.”

Cas shook his head. “No, I only put a thought into your mind about a second chance you could have. I helped you realize there could be one. I didn’t do anything, but say a couple of words.”

Dean shook his head. “No, Cas…you did a lot more than that. What you said to me…you changed my mind. It took some time for the thought to completely go away, but…you changed my life that night. I wouldn’t be alive right now if it hadn’t been for you.”

They searched each other’s eyes. They were looking for some kind of sign, some kind of hint as to what the other was thinking or wanted. Finally, Dean took a chance. He shifted his weight from his ass to his thighs as he pushed himself up from his chair and leaned towards Cas. He did it slowly, giving Cas plenty of time to turn away, but he never did. Their lips met and neither wanted them to part.

**SPN**

Sam rolled his eyes. “I do not need to get out there, Jo. I’m fine.”

Jo huffed. “That’s what Dean said too and now look where he is. He’s AWOL after declaring that he was fine and didn’t need to get out of the house. So…what was that you said again? I didn’t quite hear you.”

Sam sighed, relenting. “Fine. I’ll go for a drink. But only one! Then I’m coming back home.”

Jo squealed. “Yay! You won’t regret it. We’re going to have fun, Sam! It’s about damn time we had some fun! It’s been, what? Two months since he left and then you add a couple of weeks to that when he was losing his mind. So…we haven’t had any fun in two and a half months, Sam! That’s insane! You know for a damn fact that Dean would be royally pissed if he knew that you were sitting around moping instead of living your life and enjoying it. He has always wanted nothing but the best for you and you know that.”

“Yeah, well, how is this best for me, Jo?! I never asked for any of this! All I want is my brother back!”

Jo softened, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hey…Dean’s entire life he has been doing nothing but protecting you and your mom. Then he was protecting the two of us, protecting Lisa, Ellen, Bobby. All he ever did was look out for all of us. He never did anything for himself other than start up that studio. His entire life has been spent looking out for others before himself. I think he’s entitled to do something for himself, don’t you think? I mean, yeah, it royally sucks, but…I read that letter too. If this is what he thinks is best for him, then we need to accept that. He accepted our decisions. He’s had our backs for as long as either of us have known him. Now it’s time for us to have his.”

Sam looked deep into her eyes and saw just how determined she was to get through to him. He also saw just how true her words were. “You’re right, Jo. I’m sorry. I’ve just never been more than a phone call away from him my entire life. I don’t know how…”

Jo wrapped her arms around him. “I know, Sam. I know. It sucks. It’s hard on all of us, but we’re all here for each other. This is when we band together and take care of each other. Mom and Dad invited us over for supper tomorrow. We’re going and we’re going to be okay, okay?”

Sam nodded. “Okay.”

“Good. Life without Dean might be hard, but it’s not impossible. And I’m going to hell for saying that, but that’s part of why he’s staying away. He knows you and the rest of us will be okay without him. He knows it’s time to do something for himself for once, something that’s in his best interest. And you know Dean as good as I do. We both know that he won’t be able to stay away for the rest of his life. If it hasn’t happened already, he’s going to get excited about something, happy about something, and he’s going to turn around to go talk to you about it and you’re not going to be there. He’s going to know that that was by his actions and he’s going to want nothing more than to come back or contact you somehow. And if the first time isn’t enough, it’ll happen enough times to give him the strength to pick up the phone, write another letter, or even get in the car. You’re his little brother, Sam. I’m his little sister. Mom and Dad are his parents. We’ll all see him again.”

Sam looked at her. “How do you know that? How can you be so sure? We never thought Dean would leave like that.”

She nodded. “Yeah, that’s true, but…he left to kill himself, but what he did instead was find a second chance. He’s still alive. I’m sure because I know Dean. I just know he’s not gone from our lives for good. Trust me.”

“I always do.”

She smiled at him. “Good! If you ever stop, I’ll beat you up.”

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, go ahead and try, Shorty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think? The Destiel has arrived! I have been sooo looking forward to when I can throw that in. Also, we get some backstory on Dean! We'll get the whole story soon. ^.^ More fluff to come! Trust me, I'm a fluff addict. Until next time!


	5. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the story. Back when I was writing this story, I kind of gave up on it. I haven't touched it since I last posted a chapter. I haven't even thought about this story. But today I was going through my stories, trying to figure out what to work on and I came across this one. I opened it, read the previous chapters, and decided to give it a go again. So...I was able to sit down and crank out two new chapters. I'll post the second one in a couple of days. Enjoy!

**Chapter 5**

Dean set his wrench down on the workbench and wiped his forehead with the rag he kept in his back pocket. He was almost done with work for the day, but time seemed to drag on. He didn’t have any plans later, but the minute hand just didn’t want to cut him any slack it seemed. He just needed to finish up with this last car and he was scotch free.

His phone went off in his pocket so he pulled it out. They could have their phones at work as long as they weren’t on them constantly and distracted from their work.

_Hey, Dean. I was thinking we could order a pizza and watch the new Captain America movie tonight if you were interested. xo_

Dean smiled at the text from his boyfriend. They had been official for a month now and he couldn’t be happier. They spent a lot of their time together and hardly ever argued. All he wanted to do was be with Cas because he finally found something to put a smile back on his face.

_Yeah, sounds perfect, Cas. I’m still at work. Just gotta finish up this last car and I’m all yours, babe._

He slid is phone into his pocket and reached for the can of oil he’d come in search of. He didn’t have all that much left to do, but it would take him at least fifteen minutes if not more. Now that he really did have plans, he wanted to plow through it and get home.

He always tried to shower after work before Cas came over, but one of the instances that Cas had seen him before he got the chance, he’d remarked that he found it rather sexy seeing him covered in oil and smelling like a garage. Dean couldn’t say what in the world made it sexy to smell like he did, but if Cas found it sexy, there was no way he was going to argue with the man.

He was bending over the engine, trying to tighten something up when a deep voice slid through the air behind him. “Did you sit in a pile of sugar because you have a pretty sweet ass.”

Dean about dropped the wrench in his hand, slightly jumping at the voice. He spun around and a huge grin plastered to his face at the sight in front of him. “Excuse me?”

Cas blushed slightly. “I, uh, heard someone say that one time. I thought I’d try it out. It is quite accurate, if I do say so myself.”

Dean chuckled and strolled over to him, slipping his hands onto his waist. He quickly glanced around and saw that no one else was in the garage. He pecked Cas’s lips softly and looked at him, a lopsided grin on his face. “What are you doing here, Cas?”

He shrugged. “I got off work a little early today so I decided to stop by, see if you were done yet. Besides, I like watching you work.”

Dean chuckled again and turned back to the car he was working on. “I’m almost done. Just give me a few minutes and we can head out.”

Cas nodded and took a seat on the stool he’d occupied on more than one occasion. He really did enjoy watching Dean work on cars. He wasn’t sure what it was about it, but it was sexy to him. Maybe it was the masculinity of it all that did it for him, he wasn’t sure.

Dean finished what he’d been doing when Cas showed up and moved on to the last couple of tasks he had left. “So what pizza are we getting tonight? Or do you want me to cook something?”

“I don’t want you to have to go to all that hard work after you’ve been working all day.”

Dean glanced up from under the hood and smirked at Cas. “I really don’t mind. You know that. I’ll make us some burgers or something. We’ll see what I have at the apartment. I might have stuff for spaghetti. Whatever you want, babe, and I’ll cook it.”

Cas blushed, not sure how he’d gotten so lucky when he’d found Dean. “Okay. Did you pick up more beer?”

“Shit. That’s what I forgot to grab…”

Cas chuckled. “That’s okay, Dean. We can stop by the store before we go back to your apartment and pick some up.”

There was a loud noise followed by some cursing from Dean. “God damn it…”

Cas’s phone vibrated so he pulled it out, averting his attention away from Dean’s ass. It was a text from Charlie asking if they would like to hang out that night. Cas didn’t really want to. He loved Charlie, but he’d been hoping just to spend an afternoon with Dean. He couldn’t make the decision though. It was Dean’s as well given she had asked both of them. He would gladly do what Dean wanted.

“Dean, Charlie wants to know if we’d like to hang out tonight.”

There was a long pause where all Cas could hear was the sound of Dean’s tools tinkering away. “Tell her we will tomorrow night. Tell her tonight’s date night. Don’t get me wrong, I love Charlie, but I’d rather spend the night with you. And we were with her last night. The night before, we were with Garth. The night before that, we were watching Ben. She’ll understand.”

Cas grinned widely. It was as if Dean could read his mind. “I’m sure she will.”

He sent their response, feeling himself falling more and more in love with Dean Winchester. In a way it scared him because he’d only known Dean for three months, but Dean had shared so much with him and they’d spent so much time together that he felt like he’d known Dean his entire life. Cas’s own life wasn’t something you could call significant, at least before he’d met Dean.

He was from a small town in Illinois named Kewanee. There wasn’t a whole lot there for him so he’d left after high school. He had no siblings and his parents died a few years ago in a car accident. It had been tragic, but he’d never been close to them so it hadn’t affected him as much as he thought it would. His childhood hadn’t been something to gossip about. He got good grades, had a small group of loyal friends, and was classified as a nerd. He hadn’t been bullied or made fun of really in high school. Their class just hadn’t been like that. He’d gone to college and received his bachelor’s degree in English. His dream was to be an English teacher one day.

One day after he received his degree, he’d decided he needed a break from school so he’d gotten into his car and went for a drive. He’d come across this small town, stopped in at the bar, and had been offered a job. They were looking for someone young who could bartend and he’d taken it. Before he’d known it, he’d been bartending for two years. Since he’d met Dean, he’d decided to take some online classes and work on getting his next degree. Dean had been incredibly supportive about the idea.

They both knew each other’s backgrounds. The only thing Cas didn’t know was what had made Dean run. He wasn’t worried about it though. He knew that Dean would open up to him when he felt comfortable enough to. He just had to be patient with him and that’s what he was going to do. Besides, it didn’t matter what made him run. He was here now, they were together, and they were happy. Of course, he felt bad for his brother and family that he got Dean while they had to live without him, but as the days passed, Cas got an increasing feeling that Dean would contact them again sometime. He didn’t think Dean could go the rest of his life without his little brother.

“Okay, I’m done. Let me go let Rufus know and then we can go.”

Cas nodded, broken out of his thoughts. Charlie responded and assured him that she completely understood. She’d also let him know she was rooting for him with a winking face. He knew exactly what she was talking about and it brought another blush to his cheeks. Since they had only known each other three months and had been together for one, they hadn’t had sex yet. Of course, both of them wanted to, but they wanted to take things a little slow and not just jump into anything. They wanted to enjoy it.

When Dean walked back into the garage, Cas could tell there was something brewing behind his eyes. Dean had an idea cooking. Cas knew that look. It meant he was up to something.

“Hey, Cas. How about I meet you back at the apartment in half an hour? I’ll run to the store real quick while you run and get us a movie to watch later.”

Cas’s brow furrowed, but he nodded. “Sure, Dean. Anything in particular?”

He shook his head, pulling out his keys. “Nah, anything you want to watch will be fine with me.”

They walked out into the small parking lot together, holding hands. Dean pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ll see you in a little bit, babe.”

“Okay.” They parted ways and went to their separate cars. Cas was curious about what kind of idea Dean could possibly have come up with and why they were splitting up, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. He knew that whatever it was, he’d find out soon enough most likely.

He went to the video store on the opposite side of town and went inside. He slowly meandered through the aisles, looking for a good movie. He wasn’t necessarily in the mood for an action movie anymore nor a horror movie. He didn’t think Dean would be into a romantic movie, so he opted for humor instead. He knew that Dean had told him to get whatever he wanted, but he wanted to make Dean happy too.

There were a few aisles of humor movies so it took him a while to find one that he wanted to watch and one that he thought Dean might like as well. He ended up picking up two movies just in case. By the time he stood in line, paid, and got back to this car, it was ten minutes past when he was supposed to be at Dean’s apartment. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Dean.

_Running a little late. I’m leaving the video store now. I’ll be there soon. xo_

He put his phone away and started the drive to the apartment that was quickly becoming his second home. He pulled into the small parking lot that was reserved for people living in the apartments or visitors and parked next to the impala.

He grabbed the movies off the passenger seat and made his way up through the building and into the apartment. Dean told him not to bother knocking anymore given they were together. He’d even given him a spare key the previous week in case he needed to get in for any reason. Sometimes he’d crash at Dean’s just because he needed to get away from everything.

As soon as he walked into the apartment, he noticed that there were candles set up around the room. His eyes widened. He could smell the garlic bread cooking in the oven, hear the water boiling on the stove. He could also hear movement in the other room. He walked through the apartment and found Dean walking out of his room, his hair wet.

“Dean, what is all this?”

Dean’s head snapped up and an easy smile slid onto his face. “It’s date night, remember? I wanted to do something nice.”

Cas shook his head slightly. “You didn’t have to go to all this trouble, Dean. I would have been fine with pizza and a movie.”

Dean walked up to him and slid his arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He rested their foreheads together and looked into his eyes. “I know you would’ve. You’re easy to get along with, but I wanted it to be special. I wanted to put the effort into it and make you happy. I mean, if you don’t like it we can bust out the beer and pop in a movie, but…I thought it was worth a shot.”

A wide grin split his lips apart. “I love it, Dean. It just took me by surprise is all. I didn’t think you were really the romantic type.”

Dean smirked. “I never used to be. I guess you just bring it out in me. I have someone to be romantic for.”

Cas’s heart just about melted through his chest. “That’s probably the sweetest thing I’ve heard.”

Dean pressed his lips against Cas’s, relishing the feel of them together. Their kiss deepened, neither wanting to break apart. Dean suddenly remembered he had water boiling and pulled apart. “Sorry to cut it short, but I’m kind of in the middle of cooking us supper. I’m starving so I’d really rather not burn it.”

Cas chuckled and nodding, pulling away from him. “As am I. I’ll let you finish cooking. Is there anything you need help with?”

Dean shook his head as he walked into the kitchen. “Nope. I’m doing all the work tonight. This is something I’m doing for you, so why don’t you grab a beer and put on some TV or something. It won’t be too long.”

Dean finished cooking dinner and served it up. They sat down at the table and enjoyed a candlelit dinner with easy conversation about their days. When the food was gone and dishes picked up, Dean started playing with his beer. He’d been doing a lot of thinking. He knew that it didn’t really matter that much to Cas, but it was time for him to open up about it. He needed to get it out and off his chest.

“Cas…there’s something I need to say. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I need to get it out.”

Cas looked up at him, knowing what he was talking about just by looking at the sudden tension in his body. “Dean, you know that you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Dean nodded, “I know, but this is something that will keep eating at me until I finally talk about it. You have every right to know what brought me here. So, I’m going to tell you.”

He took a deep breath to try and calm himself and started with his story. “A few years ago, I met a girl named Lisa. It didn’t take long for us to fall in love. We were together for five years. That’s a long time to build a relationship with someone. One day…Sam found something out about her. I don’t know how he did it. I don’t know if he just overheard her or what, I never asked. Everything happened so fast, that it just didn’t matter. She had a separate life apart from me. She was married. She lied to me, based our relationship on lies. She was with this other guy the entire time we were together. I was the outsider in their marriage. I guess they got married a couple of years before we met.

When he found out, he went to our mom for advice. Apparently, our dad overheard them talking and went and cut her brakes. I have no idea why. He hated me. Maybe he thought he could make up for being a horrible father by getting back at her for me.”

Dean shook his head. Cas could tell the story wasn’t even close to being done. His nerves kicked in and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the next part.

“Lisa and I were over at my parents’ house for some get together. Sam was there. That’s when he was talking to our mom about it, when Dad cut her brakes. She’d met me there, so her car was there too. I happened to walk into the kitchen to grab a beer when they were talking about it and heard them. I made them tell me what was going on. I didn’t believe it, so I went and asked Lisa. She was instantly defensive. That’s when I knew. That’s when I knew it was all true. We argued. Well, I guess that’s an understatement. It was a major blowout. I lost all my trust in her, in my mother, in Sam for not telling me. It turns out everyone knew. Everyone I cared about knew. They had suspected it for a long time, but never said anything to me about it. They let me go on thinking that our relationship was great, that everything was great.

She cried. She apologized. I don’t know how many times she apologized to me. Sam tried to make it better, but that was impossible. I told her to get out. I told her that I never wanted to see her face again. I called her a lying, cheating bitch and told her to rot in hell for everything she’d done to me. She ran out the door and got into her car. I left a minute after her, after laying into all three of them for not telling me, and I went to the studio. I needed to get away and wrap my mind around everything. I walked into the studio…and just sat there. It all clicked into place. All the late night phone calls, the random days where she had to go off and so things out of town, not being able to go certain places, not wanting to move in together. I mean, we’d been together for five years. I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to take that step and move in together, but I didn’t worry about it. I had enough on my mind with the studio and my parents, and taking care of Sammy. An hour later, I got a call from the hospital. I had friends who worked there, so they knew Lisa and I were together. They told me she had been in a car accident.”

Dean looked down at his beer, staring hard at it. Cas reached over and squeezed his hand, giving him the support to go on. “What happened next, Dean? Was she okay?”

Dean shook his head. “No. She wasn’t okay. She died in the hospital. Her brakes didn’t work and she went through a red light, slamming into the side of a car. Her head was slammed against the window so hard it shattered. She lived long enough for them to get her to the hospital and onto the table before her heart gave out. They tried, but they couldn’t bring her back. I still loved her, so I showed up, needing to see for myself. I saw her lying there, a sheet pulled over her face, blood everywhere. I passed the accident scene on the way there, her car was totaled. I stood there, just staring at her dead body. That’s when I heard him. Some guy walked in and demanded to know the status of his wife. They asked who he was and he told him. I looked up at him and shook my head. I told him that she was dead. I told him about the accident, but that was it. I just walked away.”

“You didn’t tell him about her cheating?”

Dean shook his head, looking up at him. “No. I thought…why ruin all of the memories of her by telling him that? What good would it do? It would only hurt him worse. She was gone, and there was nothing else to it. I didn’t see a point to making someone else hurt as badly as I was hurting, so I just walked away. I went back to my house and sat down in front of the piano. That’s when I started working on that song. Sam came home and asked me how I was so calm about everything. I told him about the accident. I told him about her dying, about running into her husband at the hospital. And that was that. I went to her funeral as a loving friend, her husband and family and friends I never knew never suspected anything of me besides the fact that they’d never seen me before. I spent the next three weeks at my piano trying to come up with lyrics for that song.

Sam and the others just left me alone for the first two weeks. No one bothered me. They stalked the shelves with food, cooked for me, made me eat something, but that’s it. They just let me mourn in peace. The following week, they tried an intervention that failed. They hounded me to get out of the house, yelled, begged me to leave and move on. Sam just kept pushing and pushing and pushing until…one night I just snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore. We got into this huge argument and…I gave up. I completely gave up. That’s when I had made the decision to end my life. I grabbed my keys and I left. He tried to stop me, but he couldn’t. It was too late, I was already gone. Two days later, I showed up in a small town. I pulled up to a little bar and walked inside for a beer, thinking it would be my last. That’s when I met you. That’s when you saved my life. That’s why I’m here, Cas.”

Dean looked up into Cas’s eyes. He could see the sadness, the regrets, but also the love Dean had for him and the thankfulness for Cas saving his life.

Cas stood and walked around the table. He sat down in Dean’s lap, his hands on either side of his face. “What you went through was horrible. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt or how I would have handled it. I can’t imagine what Sam and the others are going through right now with you not being there, but I do know that I am glad that you are here. I am glad that I got the opportunity to meet you and I am so glad that you didn’t go through with that. You are an amazing man, Dean Winchester. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I hope that I can help you get that happiness, or at least share it with you. I would never lie to you like that or cheat on you. You might not believe me because I assume you have some pretty big trust issues because of all of that and I do not blame you one bit. I would too. But I care a lot for you and I’m not the type of person who could ever do that to someone, let alone you. I hope that one day you can believe me.”

Dean smiled softly at him. “Cas, I do believe you. When that happened, I did lost my trust. In everyone. I didn’t trust anyone anymore, not even Sammy. But…when I came here and met you…that all changed. You made me happy again. You made me be able to trust again. It’s been rough, but…I’m back to being me again thanks to you. I’ve been able to move on and get past what happened and that’s because of me being here. With you. Thank you, Cas. For everything.”

Cas smiled and pressed his lips to Dean’s. “It is my pleasure, Dean.”

Dean smiled and kiss him again. The kiss deepened and soon enough, they were standing and making their way to the bedroom, their lips still locked. Clothes were strewn all the way down the hallway. By the time they reached the bed, they were both naked and more than ready for the next step in their relationship.

**SPN**

Sam put away the groceries and stopped when he heard the mailman on the front porch. He walked to the door and checked the mail. There was a stack of letters. Some were addressed to Dean as bills and whatnot. Half of them were for him. He set Dean’s aside and went through his stack. There were lots of bills, but there was one with no return address. Sam’s heart picked up speed. His name and address was scrawled in pen in Dean’s handwriting. He quickly flipped it over and unsealed the envelope. A letter slipped out.

_Dear Sam,_

_I’m sorry for not writing in a while. I wasn’t sure if I should or not, but Cas told me that it would stop me from going crazy. I have been. I’ve been going crazy wondering how things are going, how the studio is, how all of you are, how school is going. I can’t stand not knowing. I suppose Jo saw the payments being added to the studio’s account and I assume you know that I’m in Colorado because of the bank it was deposited from. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t let the studio go out of business or let you all struggle to keep it going on my account even though I’m not there. I’m making enough money for myself that I could help out._

_I also have some news for you. I’m, uh, seeing someone. It’s Cas. You’re probably shocked that I’m with a guy since I haven’t been with one since high school, but he’s awesome, dude. You’d love him. He makes me happy again. He’s helped me get back to that person I was before. He’s helped me to move on from Lisa and get over what happened with her. Sammy, I can trust again. I’m not mad at you or anyone else anymore. I never thought it was possible to be  able to trust someone again, but I can. I do. I trust him and my friends here. I trust all of you. I know that you all were only trying to protect me from getting hurt and were trying to look after me, like I’ve been doing for all of you for years. I’m sorry it took me leaving like that to figure all of this out, but at least I have, right? Anyway, I guess I’ll end this here. I know it’s not that long of a letter, but Cas, Charlie, and Garth are on their way over for movie night and I should probably start on supper. You know how I am. Always taking care of everyone._

_I love you, Sammy. I wish I could be there right now. I wish that you could meet Cas and the others. I wish you could meet Ben. Cas told me he looks up to me like a father since he doesn’t have one. It helps, you know? Since I took care of you for so long and now that I can’t…I guess I can take care of him since he needs someone. I’ve thought a lot about this and…I decided to give you my address, but only with the hope that you don’t beg me to come back or try to make me. I can’t, Sammy. I hope that you respect my decision and respect me enough not to try and force it on me. You know that I wouldn’t be able to resist if you begged me. So, please don’t. I’m finally happy again._

_Here’s my address: 266 East Lawrence Street, Cedaredge, Colorado. I hope to hear from you again soon, little brother. Give everyone my best and tell them I miss them all very much. Though, I suspect they’ll all be reading this anyway. I’m also guessing that in the next week I’ll be getting a stack of letters from each of you, yelling at me. I can’t wait to hear from you. Unless you’re too mad at me to write or want anything to do with me…in that case…I really am sorry and I do hope that you can forgive me for leaving. I hope to hear from you all soon._

_Love Always,_

_Dean_

Sam couldn’t believe it. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking slightly. He stared at the address, burning it into his mind. He snapped himself out of it and dialed Jo’s number. It didn’t take long for her to answer.

“Hey, Sam. What’s up?”

“Jo! I got another letter from Dean! You won’t believe what it says. He gave me his address! I know where he is!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time.


	6. Letters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the next chapter, as promised! I will be working on the next chapter while I'm on the train here after a bit, so hopefully I can get it done tonight. Enjoy! Tell me what you think.

**Chapter 6**

 

Dean plopped down on the couch and rested a hand over his face. He’d been pulling a few extra hours at work so that he could have enough money to send some back for the studio. All of his friends could see how exhausted he was from working so hard, so they would take turns cooking or paying for dinner when they all hung out.

It had been three weeks since Dean had unleashed his whole story to Cas. A week after that had been when he had sent that letter to Sammy. Two weeks since he told Sam where he was. He hadn’t received a single letter. Maybe they were all mad at him for just leaving like that or didn’t want anything to do with him now. The whole thing was stressing him out. He’d told Cas all about it. Cas was trying to help, but he just didn’t know how to. All he could do was listen to him and be there for him when he needed him.

Dean ended up passing out on the couch with his arm covering his face. Cas walked into the apartment about half an hour before their friends were supposed to get there for movie night and saw Dean asleep. He still had his boots on, which told Cas just how tired he was. He’d grabbed his mail on the way up, figuring Dean had been too tired to remember to grab it.

He set it down on the kitchen table and was about to walk away when he noticed some handwriting on the second envelope. He kicked himself for being curious, but he snooped anyway. He pushed the first envelope down and saw that the one that lay underneath was a handwritten letter by Sam Winchester, Dean’s brother.

Cas’s eyes widened. Sam had finally written him back! Should he wake Dean up? Should he wait to show him until after their friends leave in case it’s emotional? He decided on grabbing a couple of beers, the letter, and going into the living room to wake Dean up.

Cas sat on the edge of the couch and placed his hand on Dean’s chest. “Dean, wake up.”

Dean’s arm moved a fraction so that he could see. He saw Cas sitting in front of him with a serious look on his face. He moved his arm all the way, opening his eyes fully and tried waking himself up completely. “What’s up, Cas? Did I fall asleep?”

Cas chuckled. “Yes, you did. You still have your boots on too. You know, we can cancel movie night and you can just relax, go to bed early. You have to be exhausted.”

 

Dean shook his head and sat up. “Nah, it’s okay. I just needed a little nap. I’m good to go now.”

He reached for one of the beers, popped off the lid and took a swig. “So, how was work, babe?”

 

Cas nodded, “Work was uneventful. There is something you need to see, though.”

 

Dean leaned back against the cushions and looked at Cas questioningly. “What’s that?”

 

Cas pulled the letter into view and handed it to Dean. “Sam wrote back. I’ll go start dinner.”

 

Dean watched as Cas stood and gave him some privacy so he could read the letter. That was one of the things he loved about Cas. He was very understanding and respected your privacy. He took a deep breath and looked down at the letter. Sam’s chicken scratch was written on the front of the envelope. He flipped it over, unsealed it, and pulled out the letter written to him by his little brother. Actually, there were two letters. He set the second one aside and opened the first one.

_Dean,_

_It is so good to finally be hearing from you again. I know that this letter is coming a little later than it should, but I didn’t really know what to say. It’s funny because ever since you left, I’ve been imaging everything I would say to you if I ever got the chance again. I’ve written countless letters to you that I know would never be able to be mailed, but it was a sort of relief, I guess, to be able to talk to you in a way, even if you would never read them. When I first read that last letter and saw your address, my first instinct was to drive there and beg you to come back. I called Jo and told her everything. She rushed over to the house and talked some sense into me. She was right. I can’t just show up there in your new life and ask you to come back to a life that had betrayed you. That wouldn’t be right for me. That would be selfish of me and I just can’t do that. You’ve been so selfless your entire life. You’ve put yourself last your entire life. It’s time for you to put yourself first for once and be happy._

_I wasn’t shocked when you told me about Cas. I’m really happy for you. I’m glad that you can be happy again and that you can trust again. I feel awful for not telling you, we all do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beat myself up for that. Jo keeps telling me to stop._

_I miss you, Dean. I miss you so much. I keep coming home, eager to tell you about what happened in class, or what happened at work, but you’re not here. I haven’t been able to tell you about anything. I haven’t been able to talk to you about Jess. She left me not that long after you left. She said I changed when you left, but the break up was a long time coming. I didn’t even realize things were that bad between us. It’s not your fault, though. It just wasn’t meant to be, I guess. I’ve started talking to someone else, so it’s okay. His name is Gabriel. He’s a dork, like you, loves playing tricks on everyone and always has something sweet to eat. He’s like the modern-day Loki, hah. You’re probably shocked I’m with a guy too. I’ve never been with one, but we just click. I hope you can meet him someday. You would like him._

_Jo is struggling with the studio. Your payments are keeping the studio going, but she’s struggling. People keep leaving because they can’t work with you. We recently got a few new clients though, so here’s hoping they stick around. Ellen and Bobby haven’t changed a bit. I gave them your address a couple of days ago in case they want to send you anything, so you might want to keep your eye on the mail. You know how Ellen is. Jo has your address too, so she’ll probably be writing to you too._

_I didn’t give it to Mom or Dad. I haven’t talked to them since the night she died. I don’t plan on ever talking to them again, either. I’m done with them. Ellen, Bobby, and Jo are family enough. I don’t need them. The whole situation was wrong and Dad was wrong to do what he did._

_So, have you been working on that song? Have you come up with the lyrics yet? You’ve been gone for a long time. You’ve been gone for almost four months now. I’ve never seen you struggle to come up with lyrics like that. Ever. I hope it’s coming along. I guess I’ll end this here. I miss you, Dean. I miss you a lot. It’s hard not having you here. Some days I don’t even know what to do with myself. Enclosed is a second letter. The letter is to Cas. Please give it to him and ask him to read it. If he doesn’t want to, that’s fine. I can’t wait to hear from you again, Dean. I love you, big bro. Please write again soon._

_Love Always,_

_Sam_

_P.S.- You should probably know that I dropped out of Stanford. I needed to pick up some more work hours to help out with bills. It’s okay though. I was thinking about taking some online classes when things pick up a bit. It’s going to be okay._

Dean sat there, staring at the piece of paper. He closed his eyes and willed back the tears that threatened to come. He couldn’t believe that he’d just heard from his little brother for the first time in almost four months. It seemed like a lifetime ago that they had argued and he’d left.

He grabbed Cas’s letter and walked into the kitchen. Cas looked up and saw the pain in his eyes. He walked up to Dean and rested a hand on his waist. “Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean shook his head. “Not really. He wrote a letter for you too.” Dean held up the letter that had Cas’s name on it. Hesitantly, he took it from Dean and looked at it. “Why would he write me a letter? He doesn’t even know me.”

Dean shrugged. “That’s Sammy for you. I told him about you in the first letter I wrote. In the last one, I told him about us. He’s probably just going to give you the speech. He said you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.”

Cas nodded, sliding it into his back pocket. “I’ll read it later. For now, let’s take care of you. What do you need?”

Dean pulled Cas into his arms and buried his face into the crook of Cas’s neck. “This. Just…this.”

They stayed that way for a while, relishing the feel of each other’s embrace. Dean pulled away and rested his forehead against Cas’s. “Thanks, Cas.”

“For what?”

“For just being here. For being as supportive as you are.”

Cas nodded and pecked Dean’s lips. “That is what I’m here for, Dean. Now, why don’t you go take a shower and clear your mind. Take as long as you need. I’ll finish cooking supper and by the time you get out, they’ll be here and we can have a nice night.”

Dean nodded, placing a slower, more passionate kiss on Cas’s lips. “I think I’ll do just that. You’re sure you don’t need any help?”

Cas shook his head. “No, I’ll be fine, Dean. Don’t worry about a thing. Just go clear your mind and get cleaned up.”

Dean smiled and placed one more kiss on Cas’s lips before leaving the kitchen to take a shower. Cas did a few things, getting dinner ready. Once there was nothing to be done and it was only a waiting game for it to be done, he pulled out Sam’s letter and began to read.

_Dear Cas,_

_I know that you don’t know me so it’s probably weird that I’m writing to you, but since you’re dating my brother, I felt that it was necessary. Dean is a very special sort of person. He’s unbelievably kind and puts everyone else’s needs before his own. He’s been doing that ever since I was born. I don’t know what all he’s told you. I don’t know if he’s told you about his past or what brought him to the town he’s in now, but if he hasn’t…just know that it wasn’t anything good. Something very horrible happened to him and I hope that he tells you someday if he hasn’t already._

_Dean is the best sort of person there is. He is there for you at a moment’s notice, he drops what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay and have what you need. He doesn’t stop to think about himself until everyone else is taken care of. You need to make sure he’s taken care of. When he was here, we all agreed to keep an eye on him and make sure his needs were met as well since we know how much he cares about everyone else. He doesn’t know how much we looked out for him as well. So, now it’s your job to make sure he’s okay and taken care of. And from what Dean has told me, you probably won’t mind one bit. He said that you’re great and that we would get along. If Dean says that about you, then I know it’s true. I just have one favor to ask of you, Cas, besides looking out for him and taking care of him. Just…please don’t hurt him. Keep yourself and your happiness in mind, but don’t break his heart. It’s fragile. I don’t think he could stand for it to be broken again._

_I hope to meet you one day. Maybe you can convince Dean to come home for a visit. He doesn’t have to stay. I’d just like to see him. Maybe he’ll listen to you. You could come with too. I’d love to meet you and so would everyone else. They’ve read the letters too, so they know about you. I hope that you and Dean are happy together, I really do. He deserves all the happiness in the world. Take care of yourself, and him._

_-Sam_

Cas sat back against the chair and stared off into space. Dean had told his brother about him and that they were together. Considering he’s only sent two letters home to his brother, that was big, wasn’t it? What Sam said about taking care of Dean…he already knew that. He already caught on that Dean takes care of everyone besides himself. He’d already told himself that he would take care of Dean whenever possible. He was, after all, making the man dinner and sent him off to take a shower and clear his head. He was trying to make Dean feel better. He loved making Dean feel better, making him smile, hearing him laugh. It was the best part of his day.

Cas looked down at the letter. He knew how badly Dean wanted to see and talk to his brother. And now that he had read that letter Sam had written to him, he knew how much Sam wanted it as well. He decided to try and convince Dean to go visit him, or even give him his new phone number, at the very least. Maybe they could start off a little smaller than visits, but bigger than old fashioned letters and text each other, maybe even call. It was worth a try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until next time.


End file.
